My little girlS

I've had this post written for the last few days but I didn't want to post it because I didn't want to overshadow all the positive things that have been happening (court date in 2 days, Terra's one year anniversary). So I figure I'll go ahead and post it now.

Growing up I always wanted a little girl. I never wanted boys, boys were boring, dirty and way too active. I wanted a sweet little girly girl that I could dress up, play dolls, cook meals in her little play kitchen. I could do her hair in neat ways. I wanted to paint her nails. I wanted a GIRL! Our third foster placement was a little girl Skylar and I just fell in love with her. She was meant to be MY girl. The workers agreed and we started to finalize our placement and the ball started rolling to make her our forever daughter.

Then our world crumbled when 2 months later the judge went AGAINST children's aid and returned her home. I was devastated. After that, I no longer wanted a girl. Andrew continued to talk about one day having his little girl. I would just huff and say I was ok with boys. All I could think about was I HAD my girl, and then she was gone. I didn't want anyone to replace her in my heart. My dreams of having a little girl were gone, just like that. I just could not get into that mind frame again about having a sweet little girl.

Along came Terra. Of course Andrew was over the moon, he FINALLY got his girl. Man, did he ever want a girl. lol. I on the other hand was apprehensive about it. For the first 6 months that Terra was with us it didn't faze me much, nor did my strong desire to be a mom to a girl ever came back to me. I was always comparing Terra to Skylar. Skylar came at 6 months and Terra came a week before 6 months. Terra's milestones would bring me back to Skylar. Going through the clothes that Skylar used to wear I was now putting them on Terra. Emotionally I had a hard time with that. All the things that Terra started doing, reminded me of Skylar. I remember when Terra's firth took poked in I was happy, but then I was sad remembering Skylar first tooth.

However, about 7 months after Terra joined our family some of those feelings started coming back. slowly. Watching Terra go through this stage has brought up a lot of grief for Skylar once again. There are still times when I stop and think about Skylar. I TRY to remember her (however, it's getting very blurry now. :( )But now, I HAVE MY GIRL. The girl that meant to be mine. I was meant to be a mommy to a little girl. I love dressing her up, I love doing her hair, I've painted her finger nails, we play dolls, we play dress up. We pretend to make food. Now my desire is back. I have my little girl that I have dreamed about for so long. The little girl that has been with me since *I* was a little girl. The little girl (not her, just the mentioned of a girl) that once turned my stomach when Andrew would talk about his little girl that he would one day have.

Skylar Nov 2005
Terra Nov 2009

In case you are wondering where this post is coming up. And why this is a few days old. On Wednesday, (the day we celebrated Terra's one year anniversary) Terra was 5 days away from turning 18 months. The day Skylar left us, she was 5 days away from turning 18 months. To me, that was hard. To look at her, and remember that at this exact age I had say goodbye to my first little girl. When I stopped and cried a little bit for Skylar I picked up my little girl and said an extra prayer for her, and held Terra just a little bit closer. Thanked God for changing my heart and bringing me my little girl that I didn't think I wanted/needed anymore. I'm glad *I* was wrong.

Now, we move forward. Our memories will grow. And I LOVE my little girl with everything in me. My sweet little girl.

Chance comes out of the closet

Well today Chance decided to come out the closet today at school. He told everyone that he is adopted. I had always wanted this piece of information come from him. I know some adoptive parents will go in during the first week of school and do a presentation about adoption and let the whole class know. However, I think that is singling the child out and is not appropriate. It should be the child that lets their peers know when they are ready. Then maybe do a presentation if the child wants.

Chance has always been open about the adoption concerning his brothers and sister at school. He talks about it to his peers, esp. around court dates and when they first come. But he has never told them that he was adopted himself. I remember one time I was at playgroup last year (at thier school) and I had Joe and Manny with me. And two of Chance's friends came to me and said "Chance adopted Joe and Manny" and that "Chance went to see a judge to have them adopted". It was cute. When Terra first came within 2 weeks later he brought her in for show and tell. I remember one of the kids in his kindergarten class asked "when did you get her?" (which is one of their standard questions for toys that are brought in for show and tell). His answer was "when her birth mom couldn't take care of her anymore, so a worker brought her to us". Totally over all of the kids head, I don't even think they even knew what he said. Most 4 year old don't know what a birth mom is, that some moms are not able to take care of their kids, and that a worker is NOT someone that works at McDonald's.lol


Chance came home with a project this week of a timeline. They were suppose to include big life milestones in their lives, starting with their birth. They even recommended a photocopy of their birth certificate. (Which I don't think kid should be bringing to school!) I talked to him and asked him if he wanted to include his adoption in his timeline, and he said yes. Then a few days later when we went to do his project (that he was going to present in front of his class) I took out a bunch of his pictures for him to pick from, which gave him the opportunity to NOT pick his adoptions pictures. But he did.

I am glad that he is comfortable in his adoption to be able to share with his peers. I hope it is not something that he will be ashamed of. That he has two mom's. One that is his every day mom, and one that created his life and cared for him for 22 months (9months in her womba and 12 months of his life). I just hope that kids won't make fun of him for it. Kids can be so cruel.

Here is Chance on his adoption day. August 2006.

court

Well this is a two part post - both having to deal with court.

The first part, I am very frustrated with how long it is taking to finalize Terra's adoption (she has been with us for almost 11 months now!). I thought for sure it would have been finished this summer and we were going to have a beach party to celebrate - well that's NOT going to happen now. Children's Aid said they sent our paper work to court on August 10th. Now with Chance's adoption we had a court date within a month. With Joe and Manny's adoption this past February we had a court date in LESS THEN TWO WEEKS. So I thought for sure by the end of August.

The second part is that I was called for jury duty this week (at the same court where we do our adoptions). That was an interesting experience. Did you know that with the accused in the room they call each potential juror by the FIRST, MIDDLE and LAST name? So you know, when you convict him he knows who to go after!!! I thought they would ask you questions, your thoughts on certain topics. Nope, they call you to the front. They say "juror look at the accused, accused look at juror". Then the two lawyers either "challenge" or are "content". If one challenges, you are told to go and sit back you are out. If they are both content, you are now a jury member. And they do this until they get 12. There was 120 people that were potential jury" and they had their first 12 in then 30 people. I wasn't even given a chance to see if I looked at him the right way or not. I REALLY REALLY wanted to be a jury!

Anyways, back to the first part:

I figured since I was there I would go and ask what the status is of our paperwork and get rough idea how long it'll be. Well the guy at the court house we have dealt with in the past was there so he remembered who I was. He went and checked our file and there was NOTHING. No paper work or anything. I told them that it was sent August 10th and he went and looked somewhere else and still nothing. So I came back and e-mailed our adoption worker. So she confirmed it was sent Aug 10th, and she'll talk to her supervisor who called the court. Again, no paper work. So she called Purilator - and they confirmed they delivered. So they called court again and told them they better get looking for it because someone signed for it. So the next day they found it.

So.... We should have a court date SOON!!!!!!!!!

Mother's day part4

Well my forth and final post regarding Mother's day has to go towards two woman who will always be in my thoughts, prayers and every day thinking. My children's birth mom. After all, I would not be able to call myself a mom if these two woman did not conceive, carry and love thier babies. But that is not why I am writing about them. I DO NOT think their purpose in life was to make me a mother. To conceive children to be taken away and given to someone else. I would never wish that upon ANYONE. I believe that all children should be with their birth parents (only with the exception of abuse, negelct and drug and alcohol abuse). They are woman who today is probably hurting over their children. A day where mothers are celebrated and rejoiced, but yet, two woman are not. I honor them, I pray for them. And I wish I could give them both a great big hug. I send them mother day e-cards. Just because they do not have their children, they are always going to be mothers. My children will always be thier children.









To me, Mother's day will always be a bittersweet day. I can not just go on and pretend that they are mine, and only mine. Every day they are my children, and I do think about thier birthmom's on a regular basis. It's just today (and thier birthdays) when I think about them more. I hurt for them. I say a couple extra prayers for them today. And I make sure my children know what makes a mother. Both biologically and in my heart.





I wish I had a picture of Terra with her birthmom as well. This picture was done before Joe's eye surgury, and with his buzz head they look NOTHING a like.

Proud Mama

So it finally came. On Friday we received our final papers for Joe and Manny. We are now 100% their mom and dad. No more uncertainties, no more workers coming for them, no more referring to them as J&M M., now we can say they are J&M Teichroeb. We do not need any one 's permission to leave Canada, heck, even the province! They are in every way possible our boys and we are now (officially) the parents of 3.

Just ONE MORE TO GO!