crashing again

First and foremost. HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY CHANCE!!! There will be another post coming about that soon. Have to wait until his birthday is done. :) but what a little man he is becoming.

It's been one of those weeks. Sleep is something I dream of. I long for it, but it just keep eluding me. This is my week so far and yet to come:

Sunday: up at 7:30am. up all day. leave for work at 11pm. work 12-8am. sleep:0hours
Monday: home at 9:30 - take Terra to playgroup. Sleep from 1:30-10:30pm. sleep:9 hours (first time in 18 hours!)
Tuesday: sleep from 10:30a-12:00. dentist appointments, then I'm the at home parent. Sleep in evening from 9-10:3pm. sleep:1.5+1.5 =3 hours
Wednesday: sleep from 10:30-1:00. Then again from 9:45-10:45. sleep:1.5+1 = 2.5hours
Thursday: sleep from 2:30-4. Then again from 9:00-10:30. (that's just a guess since it's still today, and that is what I am hoping to get! sleep:1.5+1.5= 3 hours
Friday: take Terra swimming, come home clean get ready for party this weekend for Chance and Terra. And run a birthday party for 2 kids down the street (their mom is 25 weeks pregnant and on bed rest. She can't do it. Have to make their spiderman cake tonight!!) I will be there from 4:30-8:30. Hopefully I'll be able to be in bed by 10:30. sleep:0hours
side note: in case you are counting. That's 17.5 hours in 6 days. With one of those days being my good day with 9 hours. So the remaining 8.5 is divided up b/w the other 5 days.
Saturday: hoping that I slept from 10:30-8:00a. Take 4 kids to bowling by myself from 9-11. Take Andrew to work, go grocery shopping, come home and get more stuff ready, bake 2 cakes, make a bunch of sandwich's and snacks. Take the kids (by myself) to the Santa parade. Pick Andrew up from work and be home around 9:30.
Sunday: Church. Dedicate Terra, lots of family coming to church then back to our place for Chance's birthday party. People will probably leave around 4:30 so I can get a few hours sleep before I leave for work again Sunday night at 10:30.

So that my friend. Is my week!!! Please pray for me.

It's hard. I am really struggling. My head has been pounding the last 3 days. I'm exhausted I'm run down. I miss my husband. I miss my sanity. I miss my sleep. I miss being able to enjoy my kids without being sleep deprived.

It is finished

Well it's finally finished! We went and we saw the judge and finalized Terra's adoption. Our first FAMILY picture. :)

I was a little disappointed in the whole thing, he didn't wear his robe, we met in his little office instead of the court room, and the whole thing lasted 5 minutes. But regardless of that, I am still glad that we did it (we have the option of just sending the paper to us, we do not have to go to court but we choose the court experience). All of our families came with is very important to me. We packed his office with 18 people. Which almost didn't happened because they came out right before we were suppose to come in and said only the parents can come in. Which meant my sister and her husband (who had canceled a bunch of meetings at work to come)and 5 kids, and my grandma from Hamilton wouldn't be allowed it. But I pleaded with them and they let us in! :) After all they were there for the other 2 adoptions, I wouldn't want them to miss the (more then likely) last adoption.

This is a group shot of our families! We packed us all into his office. We are happy to have it all finished. No more workers coming to our house, following up on us. If we want to leave the province of Ontario we do not have to ask for permission and get letter from Children's Aid with thier approval. We do not have to fight with our workers when they try to tell us to vaccinate Terra against H1N1 since we were not her guardian. (They listened and respected our wishes, only b/c it was so close to being finalized)

Afterwards we went down to the waterfront and took a LOT of pictures. I'll be posting them in the next while. As some turned out just amazing.
Thanks for all your support

My little girlS

I've had this post written for the last few days but I didn't want to post it because I didn't want to overshadow all the positive things that have been happening (court date in 2 days, Terra's one year anniversary). So I figure I'll go ahead and post it now.

Growing up I always wanted a little girl. I never wanted boys, boys were boring, dirty and way too active. I wanted a sweet little girly girl that I could dress up, play dolls, cook meals in her little play kitchen. I could do her hair in neat ways. I wanted to paint her nails. I wanted a GIRL! Our third foster placement was a little girl Skylar and I just fell in love with her. She was meant to be MY girl. The workers agreed and we started to finalize our placement and the ball started rolling to make her our forever daughter.

Then our world crumbled when 2 months later the judge went AGAINST children's aid and returned her home. I was devastated. After that, I no longer wanted a girl. Andrew continued to talk about one day having his little girl. I would just huff and say I was ok with boys. All I could think about was I HAD my girl, and then she was gone. I didn't want anyone to replace her in my heart. My dreams of having a little girl were gone, just like that. I just could not get into that mind frame again about having a sweet little girl.

Along came Terra. Of course Andrew was over the moon, he FINALLY got his girl. Man, did he ever want a girl. lol. I on the other hand was apprehensive about it. For the first 6 months that Terra was with us it didn't faze me much, nor did my strong desire to be a mom to a girl ever came back to me. I was always comparing Terra to Skylar. Skylar came at 6 months and Terra came a week before 6 months. Terra's milestones would bring me back to Skylar. Going through the clothes that Skylar used to wear I was now putting them on Terra. Emotionally I had a hard time with that. All the things that Terra started doing, reminded me of Skylar. I remember when Terra's firth took poked in I was happy, but then I was sad remembering Skylar first tooth.

However, about 7 months after Terra joined our family some of those feelings started coming back. slowly. Watching Terra go through this stage has brought up a lot of grief for Skylar once again. There are still times when I stop and think about Skylar. I TRY to remember her (however, it's getting very blurry now. :( )But now, I HAVE MY GIRL. The girl that meant to be mine. I was meant to be a mommy to a little girl. I love dressing her up, I love doing her hair, I've painted her finger nails, we play dolls, we play dress up. We pretend to make food. Now my desire is back. I have my little girl that I have dreamed about for so long. The little girl that has been with me since *I* was a little girl. The little girl (not her, just the mentioned of a girl) that once turned my stomach when Andrew would talk about his little girl that he would one day have.

Skylar Nov 2005
Terra Nov 2009

In case you are wondering where this post is coming up. And why this is a few days old. On Wednesday, (the day we celebrated Terra's one year anniversary) Terra was 5 days away from turning 18 months. The day Skylar left us, she was 5 days away from turning 18 months. To me, that was hard. To look at her, and remember that at this exact age I had say goodbye to my first little girl. When I stopped and cried a little bit for Skylar I picked up my little girl and said an extra prayer for her, and held Terra just a little bit closer. Thanked God for changing my heart and bringing me my little girl that I didn't think I wanted/needed anymore. I'm glad *I* was wrong.

Now, we move forward. Our memories will grow. And I LOVE my little girl with everything in me. My sweet little girl.

one year ago...

Look at the sweet baby. Today, November 11 marks the one year anniversary that 5 month old Terra came to live with us. It's hard to believe that it has been one year already. So much has changed in our lives. We went from a family with 3 boys and added a sweet little baby girl. Chance was smitten right away with those big brown eyes, and a year later Chance still lets her get away with most anything. She is defiantly Chance's little girl. Well ours too. :)

I still remember that day so clear. We've been waiting for 5 months, since the day she was born, to come to us. That is just seemed to surreal. My parents took the day off to come and meet their newest granddaughter. My sister, her husband and 5 kids all come over to meet her. It's was a wonderful evening with my family and introducing her to my family.
This is the very first picture of us as a family!
The boys and their new baby sister. They were just over the moon

In the summer Chance told me that he wanted a baby and he wanted her to be a girl and he wanted her to be with us forever, and that he didn't want a worker to come and take her away from us. It was heart wrentching to hear him say that because he was still hurting from Marlon. I just had to tell him that "we'll see". At that time Terra was 2 weeks old, but they were not saying anything about her being with us or not. So when we told the kids they they were getting a baby siter and she was comming in 4 days, right away Chance said "see mom, I asked for a baby sister and you got me one. thank you!"

I had to explain that just when he asks for a baby doesn't mean he is going to get one. He asked me a few months ago about getting another baby and I said no. And his response? Well you can just call a worker and they will bring us a baby.

some kids thing the stork bring babies, my kids think workers bring babies! LOL

Court Date

I am so excited - we finally got our court date for Terra's adoption. In 9 days she will FINALLY be our forever daughter. (not that she isn't already)

November 16th can't come soon enough.

I love the idea of going to court and being part of the ceremonial aspect of it. Most places won't even let you appear before the judge, they just mail you out there papers. Nothing big. Our court gives us the option. With Chance we had to wait 5 weeks for a date, Joe and Manny we waited 2 weeks. And with Terra we don't have any wait. The Judge has not been in for 6 weeks. And his first day back, the very first thing he is doing at 9am is our adoption. I am so excited.

I also LOVE the fact that both mine and Andrew parents, my sister and her 5 kids have all made it out to each adoption. That they take the 2 hour (one way) drive to join us in this special day. My brother in law (sisters husband) made it out for Chance's, And Andrew's brother was able to make it out to Joe and Manny. But I am sure if they did not have work obligations they would have been there with us too. I know they were there in spirit!

H1N1

To vaccinate - or not to vaccinate?

This is a HUGE issue filling blogs and Internet forms. There are very heated discussions, name calling and just plain being MEAN! There are quite a few issues online that can get people in a huff and create such a reaction.
Breast feeding vs. formula
work vs. stay home
cloth diaper vs. disposable
day care, thoughts on war, politics and religion

For some reason, people (mostly mom's) tend to think because they are online and there is that mask of anonymity that you can just be cruel and not have a normal converstaion I was listening to a radio program on my way into work last night that said the topic to vaccinate or not has now become one of those taboo subjects. A topic that will usually create really strong responses and heated arguments. If I haven't seen it first hand in some of the sites I visit then I would not believe it myself. Why would something so personal to each family have to create situations that it is now considered a topic to be off limit? I talk to some of friends about this, get their thoughts and opinions on the matter and world war 3 has never broken out. We have a calm and respectful conversation on this matter, but why is it so different online? Why do people always have to find something to argue and debate in a way that is extremely disrectfull to the other person on the other end of the keyboard?

For our family, we have decided against the vaccine. It's too new, hasn't been tested. I liked the newest headline today that states "No serious side effects so far with H1N1 vaccine: WHO" I like how they added the "so far", in my opinion sounds like it was something that have expected, and are pleasantly surprised that there is nothing yet.

I worry about what the future side effects may be. It reminds me of the popular drug DES given in the 1960's to pregnant woman to prevent miscarries. Now, it's reported that a large percentage of those babies who have been born while their mom's took this drug now have infertility issues. And many woman (then fetus's) now have cancer of cervix. You just don't know the long term affects on these. I would rather my children NOT be guinea pigs.

But, that does not mean I am 100% confidant in my decision. I struggle with it. Me and the 3 boys are all considered high risk due to our asthma. How would I feel if they were to contract the virus and something happens to them? Knowing I could have some how prevented it. But on the other side, how would I feel if I injected some unknown substance into their bodies and have something happen to them, either immediately, or long term? There is no win-win situation. Except to make sure there is constantly hand washing and work on prevention.

There are more people killed each day due to poverty/hunger. What's being done to help them? To PREVENT to pandemic of hunger? What's being done to prevent drunk drivers getting behind the wheel and killing us on a drive to the grocery store? What's being done to prevent child abuse (and death) of thousands of kids every year? There are way more deaths every day to other PREVENTABLE measures that is not getting the same media hype as each H1N1 death.

halloween part 1 - Chance

Chance was an old pro at this pumpkin stuff. He wasted no time digging in and getting dirty.

He choose to make a scary mad pumpkin.

It's hard to see, but chance was batman! He asked me 6 weeks ago to make him a batman costume, so I said sure - how hard could it be? Well I never got around to it, then 2 days before Halloween I started looking around stores to find batman and I couldn't. I was at Walmart and as I was walking past the boys clothing, I noticed they had the hulk pj's, including the mask. so I figured I would get him that instead. Now wouldn't my luck have it, they had batman pj's - cape in all! It just didn't come with a mask. So I bought a black hat and cut some eyes and mouth for him. However, when he took it to school on Friday the mask got destroyed, so we had to make do on Halloween.

halloween part 2 - Joe

Joe tried to dig into the pumpkin, but had a hard time getting things out. But he still had some fun anyways. He didn't mind getting dirty. When asked Joe what kind of pumpkin he wanted, he said he wanted one with.....
glasses! Now I think it looks more like a super hero pumpkin or something. But we all knew it was suppose to be glasses - just like Joe.

And Joe's costume was a little more questionable. Some say Zebra, some say badger, and some say some other animal. Who knows - but he was cute none the less!

halloween part 3 - Manny

Manny was not so sure of the whole pumpkin guts thing. He would reach in and take ONE SEED AT A TIME! Which I guess worked out in the end because that gave us time to help Joe and Chance while manny took his time.
He wanted a nice happy Pumpkin.

Manny dressed up as a penguin.

Halloween part 4 - Terra

We had so much fun with Terra's first Halloween!
She wasn't too sure what to make of the guts. :) but she still played with them!

I made her a baby pumpkin. :)

Terra was alittle unicorn! She went up to a few houses and as soon as she saw the candy she would drop her bag and grab the candy. By the end of the night she was saying "trick or treat" - super cute

Poor little gums

Teething - I don't remember the pain of teething, but I can only imagine. You have these nice, soft gums, only to have these sharp little daggers making their way through with no mercy what so ever to those soft little gums.
Currently, my youngest AND my oldest are teething right now. Chance is getting his molars in, and Terra is getting a few different ones right now.

Poor guys!

Chance comes out of the closet

Well today Chance decided to come out the closet today at school. He told everyone that he is adopted. I had always wanted this piece of information come from him. I know some adoptive parents will go in during the first week of school and do a presentation about adoption and let the whole class know. However, I think that is singling the child out and is not appropriate. It should be the child that lets their peers know when they are ready. Then maybe do a presentation if the child wants.

Chance has always been open about the adoption concerning his brothers and sister at school. He talks about it to his peers, esp. around court dates and when they first come. But he has never told them that he was adopted himself. I remember one time I was at playgroup last year (at thier school) and I had Joe and Manny with me. And two of Chance's friends came to me and said "Chance adopted Joe and Manny" and that "Chance went to see a judge to have them adopted". It was cute. When Terra first came within 2 weeks later he brought her in for show and tell. I remember one of the kids in his kindergarten class asked "when did you get her?" (which is one of their standard questions for toys that are brought in for show and tell). His answer was "when her birth mom couldn't take care of her anymore, so a worker brought her to us". Totally over all of the kids head, I don't even think they even knew what he said. Most 4 year old don't know what a birth mom is, that some moms are not able to take care of their kids, and that a worker is NOT someone that works at McDonald's.lol


Chance came home with a project this week of a timeline. They were suppose to include big life milestones in their lives, starting with their birth. They even recommended a photocopy of their birth certificate. (Which I don't think kid should be bringing to school!) I talked to him and asked him if he wanted to include his adoption in his timeline, and he said yes. Then a few days later when we went to do his project (that he was going to present in front of his class) I took out a bunch of his pictures for him to pick from, which gave him the opportunity to NOT pick his adoptions pictures. But he did.

I am glad that he is comfortable in his adoption to be able to share with his peers. I hope it is not something that he will be ashamed of. That he has two mom's. One that is his every day mom, and one that created his life and cared for him for 22 months (9months in her womba and 12 months of his life). I just hope that kids won't make fun of him for it. Kids can be so cruel.

Here is Chance on his adoption day. August 2006.

What I found in Terra's diaper

And yes - There will be pictures! Just so you are warned!!!!

I just wanted to throw this super cute picture of Terra in her my favourite coat! I bought it for Skylar. And I had always hoped I would have another girl to wear it!

Today, Andrew was outside with the kids cleaning up the toys and stuff while I was in the house cleaning. Chance's friend called and to invite him over so I had to drive him over there. And Andrew mentioned to take Terra b/c she's been crying for the last 5 minutes. Probably because her hands were cold. She had put them in ice water. Then she tried playing in the sandbox. So I said I would take her for the drive. And she SCREAMED for the 10 min drive. Her face was red and the screams were just piercing. She finally stop and had a 10 min nap while I was talking to Chance's friends mom. I then took her grocery shopping and she was in much better mood. I came home, put groceries away made lunch. Then it was time for bed. So I went to change a diaper and want to know what I found??? Here comes the picuture.

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Yes -I found a BEE IN HER VAGINA. Broken into two peices. No wonder the poor baby was screaming for so long! Now it wasn't IN her vagine, but it was inside the "lips" squished.


Do you remember this post where wrote about my allergy to bees? Well usually fall you start to get some relief from these nasty critters. However, they are still hanging out outside our back door. I go outside and they are still flying around.


Yesterday, Andrew went to put his shoes on to go to work, and there was a bee in his shoe and stung him! I guess it got too cold outside (now that we are in the negative numbers). So now I don't just slip my shoes on anyways. I have to pick it up from the bottom and look inside to make sure there isn't one in my shoe.

Identical Twins

It's been fun having Identical Twins. I always get a little bit of a giggle when people try (and usually fail) to tell them apart. I like being a mom to twins. I like dressing them up the same. I like getting the cute little smiles. Joe tends to squint his eyes more, so you can tell that he is on the Right. And Manny is on the Left. Two cute little boys - who are NOT identical in personality. Similar yes.



But there is also some drawbacks. Because they look alike and because people can't tell them apart, they don't get to know the real Manny and the real Joe. They are not Manny AND Joe, they are just MannyJoe.

When they were younger you could tell them apart b/c Joe had (still has but to a lesser Degree) Strabimus that you can see in this post. Because of this condition that he has we go and see the specialist in Mississauga every 6 months until he is 9 years old. We went for a check up at the beginning of September and found out that Joe is really far sighted. And as a result, now requires glasses. So my Identical Twins - are no longer Identical. (well genetically they are). But people will now always be able to know Joe as "the one with glasses". Maybe this will allow people (and fellow classmates) get to know them as two different people.

But yes, it does make me sad that he has to wear glasses. But I know it'll help him. Once he gets used to them. Two days after having glasses he was running in our backyard and run right into the basketball net. Then the next day we were at the park, and he went running to where the other kids were, and ran right into a TREE! No slowing down, no nothing. Full force into a tree.

I was talking to his kindergarten teacher and asked her to remind Joe to stay off the equipment at recces for a week until he got used to his glasses and explained who. And she said she got her glasses (for same reason) when she was a teenager. And she had a hard time adjusting as well. Because things that she used to see were further away, she knew she had time to move. However, with glasses, things were JUST THERE! No warning. and she would walk into things too for the first week.

Manny is also boarderline far sighted as well. So his eyes could go either way in the next 2 years. They will either get worse and require glasses, or they will correct themselves on thier own. We'll have to wait and see. Maybe next year, he'll have glasses too.

dentist

Well if you remember from a few days ago, when I mentioned that we are going to have to have Chance's teeth pulled to make room for his adult teeth that are already poked through? Well today was the dreaded appointment. He cried the whole car ride, saying over and over again that "it's not fair".

He has a second tooth that is just hanging on by a root, and I told him I will tell the dentist NOT to take that one out. Because it'll be out in a few days anyways. So he was happy about that.

And the dentist didn't have to take no teeth out. The width of his adult teeth are 10.6mm. And the width of the gap from his two baby teeth was 10mm. So instead what they did (because he didn't want to remove them either) was he shaved his two baby teeth down 3mm in each side. So not there is room for his adult teeth.

He still required 4 needles!!!!!!! And man, my kid is BRAVE! No screaming, flinching, moving. He laid still and let them do what he needed to do. Now, because I was standing at his feet I kept seeing his toes curl with each needle, but he relaxed once I started to rub his feet.

And guess what he came home from school with? His tooth! I guess when you mouth is frozen it no longer hurts and you can just pull it right out. LOL

moustache

Got Milk?

Fairy

SHHHHHHH.................. I have a secret

There is going to be a fairy coming into my house in a few short hours....

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As my darling son....

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has lost his first....

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TOOTH!!!

Here is his last picture with all of his baby teeth...sigh...

He came home from school last Tuesday telling me that his tooth hurt. So I looked and found his first loose tooth. He was so excited and did nothing but wiggle it. Then on Thursday, the tooth beside it became loose. On Saturday his THIRD bottom tooth became loose. And then on Monday all FOUR of his bottom teeth are loose. So he's been doing a lot of wiggling to get that one out. I told Andrew last night before I went to work that Chance is going to come home from school with his tooth in an envelope. And sure enough - he did. And I am soooo glad he got that one out, because that is one less tooth the dentist is going to have to pull out on Tuesday. (he has to have his four bottom teeth pulled). So for one, it saves us money. And two, I really wanted his first tooth to fall out be from a natural way, and not by a yank by the dentist! he only had 4 more days.

Why does he have to have his 4 teeth removed? Well look closely at the next picture.

You will see that BEHIND his baby teeth, his two adult teeth have already poked through. When I realized this it when that I clued in that the reason his tooth was hurting last week wasn't because it was loose, but because his other teeth were poking in and my baby was teething.

I didn't think too much of it until I was talking with my friend who is a dental hygienist and she said that it's not a good thing, and if his baby teeth don't fall out that his adult teeth will keep growing (and growing fast) and they will start pointing backwards, which will then mean he will require braces to fix it. She told me to call the dentist - so I did. The receptionist talked the dentist and he said to bring him in, that it will enventaully cause a lot of problems. So we got put to the top of the cancellation list. Which is a big thing for our dentist because he has a huge waiting list (usually 3-6 months for an appointment). We actually got a call back in less then 24 hours with a spot for Tuesday morning. And they will probably have to do all four because the width of the two adult teeth is the width of four baby ones, so we have to make room for them.





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court

Well this is a two part post - both having to deal with court.

The first part, I am very frustrated with how long it is taking to finalize Terra's adoption (she has been with us for almost 11 months now!). I thought for sure it would have been finished this summer and we were going to have a beach party to celebrate - well that's NOT going to happen now. Children's Aid said they sent our paper work to court on August 10th. Now with Chance's adoption we had a court date within a month. With Joe and Manny's adoption this past February we had a court date in LESS THEN TWO WEEKS. So I thought for sure by the end of August.

The second part is that I was called for jury duty this week (at the same court where we do our adoptions). That was an interesting experience. Did you know that with the accused in the room they call each potential juror by the FIRST, MIDDLE and LAST name? So you know, when you convict him he knows who to go after!!! I thought they would ask you questions, your thoughts on certain topics. Nope, they call you to the front. They say "juror look at the accused, accused look at juror". Then the two lawyers either "challenge" or are "content". If one challenges, you are told to go and sit back you are out. If they are both content, you are now a jury member. And they do this until they get 12. There was 120 people that were potential jury" and they had their first 12 in then 30 people. I wasn't even given a chance to see if I looked at him the right way or not. I REALLY REALLY wanted to be a jury!

Anyways, back to the first part:

I figured since I was there I would go and ask what the status is of our paperwork and get rough idea how long it'll be. Well the guy at the court house we have dealt with in the past was there so he remembered who I was. He went and checked our file and there was NOTHING. No paper work or anything. I told them that it was sent August 10th and he went and looked somewhere else and still nothing. So I came back and e-mailed our adoption worker. So she confirmed it was sent Aug 10th, and she'll talk to her supervisor who called the court. Again, no paper work. So she called Purilator - and they confirmed they delivered. So they called court again and told them they better get looking for it because someone signed for it. So the next day they found it.

So.... We should have a court date SOON!!!!!!!!!

first day of school

I know I am LATE. But I have not been able to upload pictures.




But Joe and Manny are now in Kindergarten!! They love going to thier school. They love being able to ride with Chance on the school bus (even if it is only for 2 minutes). They love thier teacher and new friends. They were ready for this. But it's hard to beleive that 3 of my babies are now in school.

Here are some pictures of thier first day of school:

J

Joe and Manny go every other day, all day. And they look so SMALL getting on and off that bus. I am glad that they are happy and enjoying themselves. We've met with thier teacher twice now and they seem to be doing pretty good. They just need to work on thier "inside voices". LOL